You need to get a hold of yourself

Sooo...I was talking with my daughter Cassie about sex (I don't understand why adults are uncomfortable about talking about something soo important, natural and amazing) and of course the main theme was abstinence! She asked an interesting question and I realized I'd have to take it deeper to drive the message home: "what if you meet the person you know you're going to marry? Isn't it ok to be with them, you just haven't had the ceremony yet? (0_O)
Thank God I'm a trained psycho-therapist...emphasis on the word PSYCHO! Is she crazy???? Have I taught her nothing??? Hasn't her sister's life taught her nothing??? All those weeks in youth group just disappeared. Seriously though, I was a bit taken back because I thought we'd really been clear and she after all, is the "smart" kid.  
My first task was to clear up what she was hearing elsewhere. See, in public schools, they teach the protection method. Do what you want just make sure you wrap it up! We can see how well that's been working in society...teen pregnancies are still an issue and 1 abortion happens every 26 seconds (fact)! 

The last task was to leave her with something to think about (and plant a seed for the next conversation). Abstinence is not only about sex...it's about everything in our lives that we need to pause from. See, there is a season to abstain from drinking alcohol (if you're going to drive, if you're pregnant), there's a time to abstain from flipping out (you can't fight everyone who pisses you off everywhere you go), there's a time to abstain from saying something hurtful and there's a time to abstain from sex. Everything has it's time and place and the BEST time for sex is with your spouse...it's uninhibited and you won't feel like trash if you wake up and he's gone in the morning (he left for work). Too many young girls (even grown women) are trying to convince themselves that sex has something to do with love...it doesn't!!! People don't have to love each other to satisfy a physical itch...they can be nothing more than two dogs hunching in the backyard (IJS)!  Or it can be an intimate experience between two people who already love each other. And I know, I hear all of you talking about your "committed" relationships. Here's the thing...even in a primitive society, most practices of faith and culture, commitment involves a ceremony of sorts. And I hear the rest of you who were married (committed) and now are not...I hear you. I've been all of the above and it doesn't change my original position. The BEST sex is with your spouse...back to the story.
So I posed a question of my own: if someone knowingly stepped on your foot and completely ignored you would you run them down and kick their buttocks??? Her response..."that would be crazy".  Why? "because it's just not necessary". Even if it really hurt? "some things you just have to move on from, it's going to hurt for awhile but then it stops hurting". B-I-N-G-O!!!
I used her words to help her make sense of it. The desire to have sex can be intense but some things you just have to move on from because before your married, it's just not necessary. The emotional roller coaster and the amount of consequences associated with it are crazy! Be honest, are you proud of ALL you pre-marriage escapades??? Are these the stories you'll tell your own daughter to help guide her into womanhood??? 
I explained to her (and I'm telling you) if you do not make up in your mind in peacetime what you will and won't do, you'll lose the battle during war! This is not a "I'll cross that bridge when it comes" situation. This is a "I will not put myself in a situation that will in any way, shape or form compromise my morals and standards".  No matter what society says! 
I heard a popular radio host +Michael Baisden say the stupidest thing ever regarding teaching abstinence. He said something to the effect of it being crazy to tell kids not to have sex...it's natural and unrealistic because of their raging hormones! Maybe for his daughter but for mine, it's realistic to teach self-control and that's what abstinence is! I teach my kids that they rule their minds (and bodies), not hormones or popular opinion. Sex with multiple people, for multiples reasons is stupid. Learning a little delayed gratification is a skill...it's not popular but it's beneficial!
Having self-control and doing things in a matter befitting a person with self-respect and a concrete value system is preference to me. I know for a fact that if my daughter is able to control herself in this one area, it will spill over to other areas of her life. She'll be more prone to complete goals and finish what she started because when the "feeling" of quitting comes up , she will have already learned the skill of doing what's necessary...not what's comfortable! 

Don't Put Up With That!

*** WARNING: Today's topic goes against popular societal perspectives and may cause passionate discussion and mental shifts! Reader discretion is advised! ***

One of the most popular words in pop culture is slowly destroying us as humans...ONE WORD! It destroys from within and is often used as a weapon of mass manipulation to undermine our convictions! If you shift from this popular belief, it will change EVERY relationship in your life. In theory, it seems ok but in practice it's so serious! Take it in...read each definition and understand how this actually plays out in your life. 
Tolerance: 1 : willingness to accept feelings, habits, or beliefs that are different from your own. 2 : the ability to accept, experience, or survive something harmful or unpleasant. 3 medical : your body's ability to become adjusted to something (such as a drug) so that its effects are experienced less strongly

Why should you be willing to accept what you don't believe in? If you believe in monogamy, why would you stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't? What type of life are you truly living when you become "adjusted" or numb to things that are not in alignment with who you are or the life you want to live?
From the perspective of yourself, it's a way for others to shut you up while they are free to act in any manner; it's such a condescending form of manipulation. No one should ever want to be tolerated and you shouldn't be the type of person people have to put up with! 
From the perspective of others, it allows us to hold hate and resentment in your hearts while mustering a fake, half smile. Though the effects may not be experienced as strong over time, one day, that penned up negativity could erupt and then everyone will be so shocked! No relationship can flourish under the umbrella of tolerance...it usually leads to resentment and indifference, which is actually worse than hate! Not sure what I mean, you know the feeling you get when that drunk uncle in your family shows up??? Yup...that's it! Tolerance at it's finest...you don't even like him.

Here's the pivot we should make to be better to ourselves and others: 1. Respect (not accept) differences. Respect means to "feel or understand that someone and something is important, serious, etc,. and should be treated in an appropriate way". Respect the choices made by others and respect yourself enough to create the necessary boundaries. 2. Love Thy Neighbor! Love the drunk Uncle enough to get him the help he needs...seriously take time to care about him. If he doesn't want your help, respect yourself enough to draw the boundary lines but don't resent him, it's his life. See how differently that works out? 
Respect and Love are the keys to a better self and better relationships...believe me when I tell ya! We'll talk more about it in the weeks to come...