Smell the Roses

Do you know someone who can consistently find something to complain about? I spoke to someone the other day that thought the sun was shining to bright. Then of course the temperature dropped and they were actually upset. It rained yesterday and so did they.
I'm not sure what the clinical diagnosis is for that but as I listened (actual, no talking back, listened), I wondered...what is in their heart? Bitterness? A critical spirit? Sadness? Whatever is on the inside of our heads and hearts is what comes out of our mouths.
I've been guilty once or twice about complaining in isolated incidents but to have an overall attitude of complaining is such an unfortunate way to live. It's o.k. to speak up and out but we can't get so weighed down by life that we miss out on living!
As we move forward into this New Year, let's be better about finding solutions to problems or shifting our perspective to see things differently. There's too much beauty in the world to waste time with unnecessary complaints! Be easy...

Who Cares How You Feel?

Remember when you were a kid and your parent told you to do something...right in the middle of Tom & Jerry? In your heart, you really didn't feel like doing it but in your head you knew you had to.

How you felt about it didn't matter AT ALL...you had to do what had to be done. How did that conviction or obedience get so distorted in adult life??? 

Now we complete things for ourselves based on how we feel but go to work or do things for someone else even if we're sick as dog because "we have to". How did our conviction get so strong for others and so weak for ourselves?

Maybe it's because we felt obligated to our parents, teachers or other people in authority over us. Maybe it's because in our heart we didn't really want to do what was asked and now that we're "grown" we don't have to do what we don't want to. Maybe we give in to so many other things/people we just draw the line!

The problem with any of these reasons is they don't work out for our own betterment! As an adult, we have authority over ourselves and we should feel obligated to our own goals and dreams more than anything else!  

If you'd go to work for someone else sick, suffering or coughing up a lung, you should be just as committed to our own tasks! Just because we're grown up and can do whatever we want, when we give in to our every changing feelings, we usually run over to easy street! You see, when our feelings lead us (especially the one of "deserve"), we take the front seat on an emotional roller coaster. We start something great in January (at the height of excitement) and then feel like we deserve a break in March (when fatigue sets in). Changing our minds and actions based on the whim of how we feel is exhausting! Know what you want and decide to keep going until achieved, conquered or acquired!

I challenge you to do what needs to be done without thinking about the feeling...you know, like when you brush your teeth! Most of us don't stand at the sink and decide if we feel like brushing...we just do it! So let's do this together, let's stick to these goals and resolutions regardless of how we feel! Let's not only choose to be more disciplined, let's choose to have the best life possible...that's all it is, a CHOICE! 

Don't Put Up With That!

*** WARNING: Today's topic goes against popular societal perspectives and may cause passionate discussion and mental shifts! Reader discretion is advised! ***

One of the most popular words in pop culture is slowly destroying us as humans...ONE WORD! It destroys from within and is often used as a weapon of mass manipulation to undermine our convictions! If you shift from this popular belief, it will change EVERY relationship in your life. In theory, it seems ok but in practice it's so serious! Take it in...read each definition and understand how this actually plays out in your life. 
Tolerance: 1 : willingness to accept feelings, habits, or beliefs that are different from your own. 2 : the ability to accept, experience, or survive something harmful or unpleasant. 3 medical : your body's ability to become adjusted to something (such as a drug) so that its effects are experienced less strongly

Why should you be willing to accept what you don't believe in? If you believe in monogamy, why would you stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't? What type of life are you truly living when you become "adjusted" or numb to things that are not in alignment with who you are or the life you want to live?
From the perspective of yourself, it's a way for others to shut you up while they are free to act in any manner; it's such a condescending form of manipulation. No one should ever want to be tolerated and you shouldn't be the type of person people have to put up with! 
From the perspective of others, it allows us to hold hate and resentment in your hearts while mustering a fake, half smile. Though the effects may not be experienced as strong over time, one day, that penned up negativity could erupt and then everyone will be so shocked! No relationship can flourish under the umbrella of tolerance...it usually leads to resentment and indifference, which is actually worse than hate! Not sure what I mean, you know the feeling you get when that drunk uncle in your family shows up??? Yup...that's it! Tolerance at it's finest...you don't even like him.

Here's the pivot we should make to be better to ourselves and others: 1. Respect (not accept) differences. Respect means to "feel or understand that someone and something is important, serious, etc,. and should be treated in an appropriate way". Respect the choices made by others and respect yourself enough to create the necessary boundaries. 2. Love Thy Neighbor! Love the drunk Uncle enough to get him the help he needs...seriously take time to care about him. If he doesn't want your help, respect yourself enough to draw the boundary lines but don't resent him, it's his life. See how differently that works out? 
Respect and Love are the keys to a better self and better relationships...believe me when I tell ya! We'll talk more about it in the weeks to come... 

Who are you????

I caught up with an old friend the other day and I gave her the URL to my blog (TreshaKnowsBest). She looked at it and said "I'm surprised it's not called I'm Just Sayin'!" I laughed...she knows me so well.
One of the things I pride myself on is being consistent with my values, morals & silly ways. People can depend on me for a few things: logical explanations & witty humor for sure! No matter the situation, no matter my personal mood or the crisis at hand...you're gonna learn something or laugh, maybe even both!

Can the same be said about you? 

Are you consistent in some basic themes in your life or are you all over the place? Do you act one way with family, then friends, then co-workers? Do you cuss and carry on with your homegirls and then sing hymns on the Sabbath? Do you find yourself running in the direction of what's "trending" or acting a certain way to fit into the category at hand? 

If that sounds familiar, I'm hear to tell you that's probably the reason you're mentally fatigued and drained. It takes a lot of energy and emotions to be more than one person. 
Believe it or not, I know how you feel; being from another country I once felt I'd die if I didn't assimilate! However, what I've found is the beat of my own drum is so much easier to dance to! You can't be everything to everyone anyway so why not figure out who you really want to be and be that! What values to you hold true? What morals are really important to your heart; they may not be popular but they're worth standing on? What personality traits do you want to be known for...violent outbursts, timid interactions or vibrant energy...it's ALL up to you!

I give you permission today to take yourself back under control! Decide who you want to be and stop giving others/pop-culture power to pull your strings and dictate the dance you dance! I challenge you to determine today to be the person you were created and shaped to be; if for no other reason than to have an awesome eulogy (hey...we'll all get one,make it great)!

We've all heard the saying "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything". Well, if you don't know who you are, people will turn you into someone you don't like, are ashamed of, or who is an emotional wreck! Dr. Phil said it best:

Take a Selfie

Put away your smartphone...we're changing it up!

Selfie: the act, thought or idea of making oneself the priority for a season; being responsible for oneself and own betterment!

Say this out loud: "it's all about me". 

Yes it is! (At least for the next few days or so). 

I give you permission to take a selfie in order to prepare for how much of yourself you will cheerfully give the rest of the year. 

I know...nothing cheery comes to mind when you hear the word "selfish"...it goes against everything you were ever taught but trust me (you know I know) it's needed. There's no way we can be all the things we can be if we haven't taken the time to be with the main character of our story. The more selfies we take right now will help us figure out what's needed on the road to becoming better and make us more equipped to share ourselves with the rest of the world! If you don't make yourself the center of attention for awhile, you'll find yourself blaming the universe (and everyone within 3ft.) for why you couldn't or didn't. 

I have such an "have it all" mentality that I truly believe you can take a selfie to get clear about your direction without being self-centered or self-absorbed; there's a difference! Remember...taking time for you in no way takes away from your other roles, it simply allows you the opportunity to create the life you want to live! 

You're Already Good...

The saying is "New Year New You", it's the slogan used in every form of media right now! From fitness centers to the dentist office, everyone is telling us to get "new". 
Does that mean something's wrong with us now? It sends a message that where we are right now makes us not good enough and since it's a new year, we might as well get ourselves together.

Well, I want you to know that no matter how much 2013 sucked, the fact that you're here (alive & breathing) means you're OK! Yeah, I know...you still didn't lose the weight, you're still hung up on that bad habit and you probably didn't finish any of the projects you started. 

I hear you but trust me (because I know best), 

a new you is not the answer!

This year, let's shift our focus from being "new" to becoming "better". Becoming is a process...it's on-going! Where there's life, there's hope and today you can be better than yesterday...you can choose that everyday, not only on January 1st. There's nothing wrong with you as a whole and most of what you need to become better is already in you (I bet you didn't even realize).
That's the theme of this blog o'mine...helping us to be better at who we are. Better in life...relationships (all of them)...and self. 

I have so much personal experience in becoming better, as a wife...mother...friend...sister...daughter and Tresha! I have a lot of professional experience as a Counselor helping people get better but don't fear...I only diagnose my own crazy. 
I'm excited about becoming better and if you'd like to join me...I'll be right here when you get back!