You need to get a hold of yourself

Sooo...I was talking with my daughter Cassie about sex (I don't understand why adults are uncomfortable about talking about something soo important, natural and amazing) and of course the main theme was abstinence! She asked an interesting question and I realized I'd have to take it deeper to drive the message home: "what if you meet the person you know you're going to marry? Isn't it ok to be with them, you just haven't had the ceremony yet? (0_O)
Thank God I'm a trained psycho-therapist...emphasis on the word PSYCHO! Is she crazy???? Have I taught her nothing??? Hasn't her sister's life taught her nothing??? All those weeks in youth group just disappeared. Seriously though, I was a bit taken back because I thought we'd really been clear and she after all, is the "smart" kid.  
My first task was to clear up what she was hearing elsewhere. See, in public schools, they teach the protection method. Do what you want just make sure you wrap it up! We can see how well that's been working in society...teen pregnancies are still an issue and 1 abortion happens every 26 seconds (fact)! 

The last task was to leave her with something to think about (and plant a seed for the next conversation). Abstinence is not only about sex...it's about everything in our lives that we need to pause from. See, there is a season to abstain from drinking alcohol (if you're going to drive, if you're pregnant), there's a time to abstain from flipping out (you can't fight everyone who pisses you off everywhere you go), there's a time to abstain from saying something hurtful and there's a time to abstain from sex. Everything has it's time and place and the BEST time for sex is with your spouse...it's uninhibited and you won't feel like trash if you wake up and he's gone in the morning (he left for work). Too many young girls (even grown women) are trying to convince themselves that sex has something to do with love...it doesn't!!! People don't have to love each other to satisfy a physical itch...they can be nothing more than two dogs hunching in the backyard (IJS)!  Or it can be an intimate experience between two people who already love each other. And I know, I hear all of you talking about your "committed" relationships. Here's the thing...even in a primitive society, most practices of faith and culture, commitment involves a ceremony of sorts. And I hear the rest of you who were married (committed) and now are not...I hear you. I've been all of the above and it doesn't change my original position. The BEST sex is with your spouse...back to the story.
So I posed a question of my own: if someone knowingly stepped on your foot and completely ignored you would you run them down and kick their buttocks??? Her response..."that would be crazy".  Why? "because it's just not necessary". Even if it really hurt? "some things you just have to move on from, it's going to hurt for awhile but then it stops hurting". B-I-N-G-O!!!
I used her words to help her make sense of it. The desire to have sex can be intense but some things you just have to move on from because before your married, it's just not necessary. The emotional roller coaster and the amount of consequences associated with it are crazy! Be honest, are you proud of ALL you pre-marriage escapades??? Are these the stories you'll tell your own daughter to help guide her into womanhood??? 
I explained to her (and I'm telling you) if you do not make up in your mind in peacetime what you will and won't do, you'll lose the battle during war! This is not a "I'll cross that bridge when it comes" situation. This is a "I will not put myself in a situation that will in any way, shape or form compromise my morals and standards".  No matter what society says! 
I heard a popular radio host +Michael Baisden say the stupidest thing ever regarding teaching abstinence. He said something to the effect of it being crazy to tell kids not to have sex...it's natural and unrealistic because of their raging hormones! Maybe for his daughter but for mine, it's realistic to teach self-control and that's what abstinence is! I teach my kids that they rule their minds (and bodies), not hormones or popular opinion. Sex with multiple people, for multiples reasons is stupid. Learning a little delayed gratification is a skill...it's not popular but it's beneficial!
Having self-control and doing things in a matter befitting a person with self-respect and a concrete value system is preference to me. I know for a fact that if my daughter is able to control herself in this one area, it will spill over to other areas of her life. She'll be more prone to complete goals and finish what she started because when the "feeling" of quitting comes up , she will have already learned the skill of doing what's necessary...not what's comfortable! 

Who Cares How You Feel?

Remember when you were a kid and your parent told you to do something...right in the middle of Tom & Jerry? In your heart, you really didn't feel like doing it but in your head you knew you had to.

How you felt about it didn't matter AT ALL...you had to do what had to be done. How did that conviction or obedience get so distorted in adult life??? 

Now we complete things for ourselves based on how we feel but go to work or do things for someone else even if we're sick as dog because "we have to". How did our conviction get so strong for others and so weak for ourselves?

Maybe it's because we felt obligated to our parents, teachers or other people in authority over us. Maybe it's because in our heart we didn't really want to do what was asked and now that we're "grown" we don't have to do what we don't want to. Maybe we give in to so many other things/people we just draw the line!

The problem with any of these reasons is they don't work out for our own betterment! As an adult, we have authority over ourselves and we should feel obligated to our own goals and dreams more than anything else!  

If you'd go to work for someone else sick, suffering or coughing up a lung, you should be just as committed to our own tasks! Just because we're grown up and can do whatever we want, when we give in to our every changing feelings, we usually run over to easy street! You see, when our feelings lead us (especially the one of "deserve"), we take the front seat on an emotional roller coaster. We start something great in January (at the height of excitement) and then feel like we deserve a break in March (when fatigue sets in). Changing our minds and actions based on the whim of how we feel is exhausting! Know what you want and decide to keep going until achieved, conquered or acquired!

I challenge you to do what needs to be done without thinking about the feeling...you know, like when you brush your teeth! Most of us don't stand at the sink and decide if we feel like brushing...we just do it! So let's do this together, let's stick to these goals and resolutions regardless of how we feel! Let's not only choose to be more disciplined, let's choose to have the best life possible...that's all it is, a CHOICE!