You need to get a hold of yourself

Sooo...I was talking with my daughter Cassie about sex (I don't understand why adults are uncomfortable about talking about something soo important, natural and amazing) and of course the main theme was abstinence! She asked an interesting question and I realized I'd have to take it deeper to drive the message home: "what if you meet the person you know you're going to marry? Isn't it ok to be with them, you just haven't had the ceremony yet? (0_O)
Thank God I'm a trained psycho-therapist...emphasis on the word PSYCHO! Is she crazy???? Have I taught her nothing??? Hasn't her sister's life taught her nothing??? All those weeks in youth group just disappeared. Seriously though, I was a bit taken back because I thought we'd really been clear and she after all, is the "smart" kid.  
My first task was to clear up what she was hearing elsewhere. See, in public schools, they teach the protection method. Do what you want just make sure you wrap it up! We can see how well that's been working in society...teen pregnancies are still an issue and 1 abortion happens every 26 seconds (fact)! 

The last task was to leave her with something to think about (and plant a seed for the next conversation). Abstinence is not only about sex...it's about everything in our lives that we need to pause from. See, there is a season to abstain from drinking alcohol (if you're going to drive, if you're pregnant), there's a time to abstain from flipping out (you can't fight everyone who pisses you off everywhere you go), there's a time to abstain from saying something hurtful and there's a time to abstain from sex. Everything has it's time and place and the BEST time for sex is with your spouse...it's uninhibited and you won't feel like trash if you wake up and he's gone in the morning (he left for work). Too many young girls (even grown women) are trying to convince themselves that sex has something to do with love...it doesn't!!! People don't have to love each other to satisfy a physical itch...they can be nothing more than two dogs hunching in the backyard (IJS)!  Or it can be an intimate experience between two people who already love each other. And I know, I hear all of you talking about your "committed" relationships. Here's the thing...even in a primitive society, most practices of faith and culture, commitment involves a ceremony of sorts. And I hear the rest of you who were married (committed) and now are not...I hear you. I've been all of the above and it doesn't change my original position. The BEST sex is with your spouse...back to the story.
So I posed a question of my own: if someone knowingly stepped on your foot and completely ignored you would you run them down and kick their buttocks??? Her response..."that would be crazy".  Why? "because it's just not necessary". Even if it really hurt? "some things you just have to move on from, it's going to hurt for awhile but then it stops hurting". B-I-N-G-O!!!
I used her words to help her make sense of it. The desire to have sex can be intense but some things you just have to move on from because before your married, it's just not necessary. The emotional roller coaster and the amount of consequences associated with it are crazy! Be honest, are you proud of ALL you pre-marriage escapades??? Are these the stories you'll tell your own daughter to help guide her into womanhood??? 
I explained to her (and I'm telling you) if you do not make up in your mind in peacetime what you will and won't do, you'll lose the battle during war! This is not a "I'll cross that bridge when it comes" situation. This is a "I will not put myself in a situation that will in any way, shape or form compromise my morals and standards".  No matter what society says! 
I heard a popular radio host +Michael Baisden say the stupidest thing ever regarding teaching abstinence. He said something to the effect of it being crazy to tell kids not to have sex...it's natural and unrealistic because of their raging hormones! Maybe for his daughter but for mine, it's realistic to teach self-control and that's what abstinence is! I teach my kids that they rule their minds (and bodies), not hormones or popular opinion. Sex with multiple people, for multiples reasons is stupid. Learning a little delayed gratification is a skill...it's not popular but it's beneficial!
Having self-control and doing things in a matter befitting a person with self-respect and a concrete value system is preference to me. I know for a fact that if my daughter is able to control herself in this one area, it will spill over to other areas of her life. She'll be more prone to complete goals and finish what she started because when the "feeling" of quitting comes up , she will have already learned the skill of doing what's necessary...not what's comfortable! 

Truth Is Your Biggest Weakness

I'm not politically correct and I can't apologize about the truth, it wouldn't be authentic. There's nothing but love behind my words although I've hurt peoples' feelings on more than one occasion. 

Now that we've gotten that out of the way let me tell you a little story: I was at an event and the closest seat to me was in the middle of the row. I politely excused myself as I made my way in; ladies moved their legs and men stood up to allow me to pass. I sat next to a little girl, maybe 7 years old. She looked at me a couple times as if she was trying to remember where we met before...she was cute. After the event, we were all socializing and I was trying to make my way through the crowd and there I was passing by this little girl and her mother (again). Finally as we were leaving, I was right next to them and the the little girl poked me on the butt (it must have mystified her) and said, "Your butt is big".
Her mother, who was a size zero, nearly fainted and apologized profusely! Everyone within 3 feet of us heard the exchange and I bent down to pick my face up from off the floor! While I was down there, I heard the mother scolding the little girl, harshly! 
I went over and told the mom to stop, her daughter did nothing wrong. She made an observation, she even got a closer look and after careful calculations, she stated her discovery. I bent down and got eye level with the little girl and told her she did nothing wrong...my butt is big! I told her to always tell the truth and to always say what's on her heart...it was such a Lifetime moment!
So here's the thing. I could have been glad the mother taught her child (who was actually a little chubby) a lesson on respecting elders and being seen instead of heard. Or I could have drowned in embarrassment and patch up my bruised ego over chocolate chip cookies. I'm so glad I chose differently...and you can too!
If you're hiding from the truth then the reality is you're living a lie (IJS)! The truth really does set you free...free to discover, grow and heal. No it doesn't always feel good but when you deal with it, there's rainbows and pixie dust on the other side! Trust me...that little girl taught me the best lesson (not that one, my butt's still big)... always tell the truth and say what's on my heart; the truth may hurt but it's revelation is soo necessary!