Take the other day for example, Bobby had Nygel help him put our king sized mattress back on the bed. I was just coming out the shower and I could hear their voices but not every word. Apparently, Nygel was having trouble gripping the handles on the side and I heard Bobby's voice go from normal to elevated. I poked my head out to see, jump in or whatever (lol).
Bobby was yelling...thankfully it wasn't the angry, "I'm going to kill you" voice but in the "come on you can do it" voice. He was telling Nygel to bend his arm like a bicep curl and to lift while moving the mattress forward. Mind you, the mattress is almost as big as Nygel but he got it! They laughed together and left the room.
I don't disagree with him (too often) in front of the kids because I want them to respect him and trust his decisions. When I catch myself tying to impose my way, I usually try to make a joke so I don't look like helicopter, mama bear, don't mess with my baby--type of mom.
As mothers, it's not always easy to allow dads to step in or take over but we need to. We need to give them and their kids room to learn each other, trust each other and figure out the things we do.
If you're not married, it can seem 10 times harder to have the baby daddy going in and out but if he's showing up...let him! Trust me, I've been there too...I know what I know!
Bobby and I had Cassie before we were married and to add even more drama, we weren't even together anymore when I discovered I was pregnant! We tried to live together as her parents but after a year and a half, we were living apart. I didn't set any limits; Bobby could call me at anytime and come pick Cassie up...we only lived 5 minutes apart. I didn't concern myself with child support, she was mine and I didn't mind supporting her. When she was with him, I didn't even send a baby bag because he was going to make sure he had whatever she needed while in his care.
When he started to see someone else, I didn't like having her with my daughter but I decided to trust her father; Cassie was our baby. He learned quickly how to handle her temperament and how picky she could be from day to day. 15 years later, they have this amazing relationship...they even share the same crazy sense of humor.
(pardon the interruption):
I feel it necessary to explain what I mean by using the word "allow". The way I see it, mothers have a natural way of blocking their kids from harm. Sometimes though, we get our signals crossed and block our kids from the person who brought the rest of the ingredients to the table. We sometimes get emotional about sharing custody because we're still heartbroken that the relationship didn't work. We sometimes think our way is better and instead of letting our partner learn (just like we did), we disrespect them and minimize their contributions.
(back to the regularly scheduled program):
There were many times I wanted to step in when Bobby was dealing with the kids. Times when I thought he was too easy, or too strict, or too rough, etc. etc. I am proud to say that for the most part, I held back...I didn't interfere. A few times when the boys were in their early teens, I gave him complete freedom to handle situations the way he saw fit. It was huge to him...I even remember him being nervous but there was something special about listening to him tell me how he handled it! He gave me the play-by-play and waited for a look of approval (I'm sure that's what his look implied, LOL). He nailed it...better than I ever imagined and I made sure to tell him so!
We don't always get it right as parents so as we finish celebrating moms and prepare to celebrate dads, let's commit to working together! No matter the status of the relationship between the adults, lets be better about allowing each other to be the best parent possible and the only way to do that is with practice.
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