How Do You Love????

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, the displays and ads are in full swing. Every kiss begins with "k" and Dove hopes love is in a box of chocolates! 
With all that society/culture does to help us express love, I truly feel like it all misses the mark.
There are 4 major types of love and 5 Love Languages (we'll talk about next time) and I seriously doubt any of that can be summed in anything from Kay or over a candlelight dinner!
In being our best authentic selves (and allowing others to be the same) let's move past the commercial and get back to the compassion of love expressing!
Let's be willing to tell the significant people in our lives how we truly feel...without regard if they reciprocate! You see, that's the BEST part of love...actually experiencing it! Somebody said: "It's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all" (put it in the comments if you know where this came from).  When you express your love (any type) towards someone else, it frees your soul; it makes you wanna sing...lol!
I'm not only taking about romantic (eros) love...I'm talking about all kinds to all people (agape)! When you whisper it to your sleeping child (storax), or say it to your best girlfriend at the end of the phone call (philia)...no matter to whom it's expressed, it benefits the giver just as much, if not more, than the receiver!

I challenge you this Valentine's Day (and after) to express love in all ways! Don't allow society to dictate to you how it should be given and definitely not how it's received! Remember, we all express love differently so if you don't receive diamond earrings or a night on the town, that does not mean your significant doesn't love you! 
If you're single at this moment, show love to the people who truly matter in your life. Valentine's Day can even be a pre-mother's/father's day! If you have children, don't leave them out of the love fest! Do something sweet with or for them...or better yet, do something together for someone else! We usually reserve serving during the "holiday" season but what better way to teach them about limitless expressions of love than to offer charity to someone who can't repay you?
For my married couples...make this a season to serve each other! Put aside your selfish desires and serve (wait on, assist, attend to) your mate! Put aside the petty differences and not only express your love but be willing to receive the expression of love they give (remember, they may speak a different love language). 
Just so you know...I'll spend the day doing my usual. I'll buy red, heart-shaped balloons for my kids and hubby! I'll write personal messages and song lyrics on them and tie them to their beds, so they can dream sweet dreams :) We'll have a nice family dinner with everyone's favorites (mostly mine) and it'll be a quiet and fun evening! I'll send out messages of love to my friends, parents and siblings. I have some other things planned but I can't tell here (surprises)! No matter, it's my goal to express every type of love this Valentine's season...all week long! 
Will you join me? Will you get away from the commercialized view of this day and get back to the compassion? Ladies, will you not only look to be served but also be willing to give a little bit of yourself?
I hope you all have a BLESSED and LOVELY Valentine's Day! Next week, we'll talk about the 5 Love Languages...i hope it'll help us understand each other better!

Saturday Song

I know you're fed up
Like a lead up for us
All they talk about is
What is going down?
What's been messed up for us?
When I look around I see blue skies
I see butterflies for us

Listen to the sound and lose it
Its sweet music and dance with me
There is beauty in the world
So much beauty in the world
Always beauty in the world
So much beauty in the world
Shake your booty boys and girls for the beauty in the world
Pick your diamond pick your pearl there is beauty in the world
All together now

We need more lovin
We need more money, they say
Change is gonna come
Like the weather
They say forever
They say
When they're in between,
Notice the blue skies
Notice the butterflies
Notice me.

Stop and smell the flowers

And lose it, the sweet music and dance with me
There is beauty in the world
So much beauty in the world
Always beauty in the world
There is beauty in the world
Shake your booty boys and girls for the beauty in the world
Pick your diamond pick your pearl there is beauty in the world
All together now

Heya throw your hands up and holla
Throw your hands up and holla
When you don't know what to do
Don't know if you'll make it through
Remember God is giving you beauty in the world
So love (Beauty in the world)
Yeah love (Beauty in the world)

Hey baby when I'm looking at you
I know its fact is true
There is hope for love
There is beauty in the world
Hey baby
Hey baby when Im looking at you
I know this vibe is true
There's love
There's hope for love
There's beauty in the world

Saturday Song #2

SONG #2: 

Well, I wear my clothes like this because I can

And I wear my hair like this because I can

And I walk around like this because I can

and I do my thing like this cuz its who I am.

And if you're expecting me, to give you an apology for being nothing that you're used to

Well go right on ahead and wait, hold your breath and concentrate. 

Keep holding 'til your face turns blue.

My road, it ain't your road but trust I know (I know just where I'm going)

My flow, it ain't your flow but trust I know (I know just how I'm flowing)

I'ma do my thing (I'ma do my thing)

Please feel free to hate and complain

I'ma do my thing

Say what you like because this one ain't gonna change

I'ma do my thing

{janelle}

I can't wear my clothes like you, because I'm not

I can't do my hair like you, because I'm not

I can't walk around like you, because I'm not

I can't do my thing like you, well that just ain't hot

And if you're expecting me, to give you an apology for being nothing like you're used to

Well go right on ahead and wait, hold your breath and concentrate. 

Keep holding 'til your face turns blue.

My road, it ain't your road but trust I know (I know just where I'm going)

My flow, it aint your flow but trust I know (I know just how I'm flowing)

I'ma do my thing (I'ma do my thing)

So please feel free to hate and complain

I'ma do my thing

And say what you like because this one ain't gonna change

I'ma do my thing

You don't know where I'm going, and so you think I'm lost

I ain't on your page ok, so to you that means I'm off.

When I dance, I dance to the beat of a drummer that you can't hear and can't see

So if I look offbeat to you, well the problem must be you, not me

Irregular but never irrelevant, unusual but never uncool.

You're not cut from my cloth so you don't get me. Well, I don't get you.

Either a believer of the fact that unique equals love.

Am I going to fast for you? Open your mind and speed up.

My road, it ain't your road but trust I know (I know just where I'm going)

My flow, it ain't your flow but trust I know (I know just how I'm flowing)

I'ma do my thing (I'ma do my thing)

So please feel free to hate and complain

I'ma do my thing

And say what you like because this one ain't gonna change

I'ma do my thing

Songwriters: SMITH, SHAFFER / KURTISS, WARREN / SNODDY, MIYKAL / REYNOLDS, TYJILLA

Published by: Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Are You Ready To Die???

It's not quite what you think...put away your insurance policy. 

I recently saw the amazing Broadway Musical, "I Have A Dream" about the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It was emotional and inspiring...a whole new perspective on the man behind the dream.
There was a quote from the production that stuck with me, 
"a man who won't die for something is not fit to live". WOW...it instantly had me taking a mental assessment on what I'm willing to die for! My Faith...my Family...my Beliefs...our Freedom...our Justice!
I shared the thought with my daughter +Cassandra Barrett who reminded me of the BEST commercial of 2013 featuring heroic women! Check it out here:

The one who stood out the most to me is the youngest one featured...Malala Yousafzai! At 12 years old she was writing a blog on her views promoting education for girls and the rule 

of the Taliban in her region. When she was 15 years old, she

was shot in the head on her school bus as an assassination attempt. 9 months later, she spoke at the United Nations to call for worldwide access to education; especially for girls! Can you say "WOW"...what conviction.

Here's a young girl ready to die, not only for her own beliefs but also for the rights of those who would come after her. She didn't spend her time whining about the injustice...she spoke up and did something! She followed in her father's footsteps of protesting against the Taliban, even after many backed down because it became dangerous! 

So many times in my life I've witnessed people who were too timid or afraid to stand up for their own personal well being. They gripe about how someone else intimidated or pressured them when basically they just lacked courage to stand up. I know I mentioned something along these lines before but it bears repeating with more bass in my voice (or in my words)! What are you willing to die for??? (comment below) 

What do you believe in so strongly you would risk your safety? 

Men have gut instincts and women have intuition...will you vow to listen? Will you promise to advocate for our children instead of reluctantly going along with the doctor, teacher or psychiatrist? Will you be willing to die to selfishness, pride, fear, hopelessness, weakness and indifference to make your world (immediate surroundings) better? 

In a culture that relies so heavily on "the experts", it's ok to also listen to the loudest voice in your head...your OWN!

Are you ready?

"I AM MALALA"

Saturday Song List

Every Saturday I'll give you a song to add to your playlist!
I'll post the lyrics and a link to the You Tube video (if available).

Music really does tame the savage beast and it can help to instantly change your state (of mind)! So...when you're feeling funky or in a slump...check out the Saturday song list and jam your way back to the land of the living. Dance and sing and be free!
Read the lyrics before listening to the song...especially if you don't know it! Figure out how the words can be applied to your life for the betterment of yourself or those in your environment.
Song # 1...MY FAVORITE:

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

Brave lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Smell the Roses

Do you know someone who can consistently find something to complain about? I spoke to someone the other day that thought the sun was shining to bright. Then of course the temperature dropped and they were actually upset. It rained yesterday and so did they.
I'm not sure what the clinical diagnosis is for that but as I listened (actual, no talking back, listened), I wondered...what is in their heart? Bitterness? A critical spirit? Sadness? Whatever is on the inside of our heads and hearts is what comes out of our mouths.
I've been guilty once or twice about complaining in isolated incidents but to have an overall attitude of complaining is such an unfortunate way to live. It's o.k. to speak up and out but we can't get so weighed down by life that we miss out on living!
As we move forward into this New Year, let's be better about finding solutions to problems or shifting our perspective to see things differently. There's too much beauty in the world to waste time with unnecessary complaints! Be easy...

Who Cares How You Feel?

Remember when you were a kid and your parent told you to do something...right in the middle of Tom & Jerry? In your heart, you really didn't feel like doing it but in your head you knew you had to.

How you felt about it didn't matter AT ALL...you had to do what had to be done. How did that conviction or obedience get so distorted in adult life??? 

Now we complete things for ourselves based on how we feel but go to work or do things for someone else even if we're sick as dog because "we have to". How did our conviction get so strong for others and so weak for ourselves?

Maybe it's because we felt obligated to our parents, teachers or other people in authority over us. Maybe it's because in our heart we didn't really want to do what was asked and now that we're "grown" we don't have to do what we don't want to. Maybe we give in to so many other things/people we just draw the line!

The problem with any of these reasons is they don't work out for our own betterment! As an adult, we have authority over ourselves and we should feel obligated to our own goals and dreams more than anything else!  

If you'd go to work for someone else sick, suffering or coughing up a lung, you should be just as committed to our own tasks! Just because we're grown up and can do whatever we want, when we give in to our every changing feelings, we usually run over to easy street! You see, when our feelings lead us (especially the one of "deserve"), we take the front seat on an emotional roller coaster. We start something great in January (at the height of excitement) and then feel like we deserve a break in March (when fatigue sets in). Changing our minds and actions based on the whim of how we feel is exhausting! Know what you want and decide to keep going until achieved, conquered or acquired!

I challenge you to do what needs to be done without thinking about the feeling...you know, like when you brush your teeth! Most of us don't stand at the sink and decide if we feel like brushing...we just do it! So let's do this together, let's stick to these goals and resolutions regardless of how we feel! Let's not only choose to be more disciplined, let's choose to have the best life possible...that's all it is, a CHOICE! 

Don't Put Up With That!

*** WARNING: Today's topic goes against popular societal perspectives and may cause passionate discussion and mental shifts! Reader discretion is advised! ***

One of the most popular words in pop culture is slowly destroying us as humans...ONE WORD! It destroys from within and is often used as a weapon of mass manipulation to undermine our convictions! If you shift from this popular belief, it will change EVERY relationship in your life. In theory, it seems ok but in practice it's so serious! Take it in...read each definition and understand how this actually plays out in your life. 
Tolerance: 1 : willingness to accept feelings, habits, or beliefs that are different from your own. 2 : the ability to accept, experience, or survive something harmful or unpleasant. 3 medical : your body's ability to become adjusted to something (such as a drug) so that its effects are experienced less strongly

Why should you be willing to accept what you don't believe in? If you believe in monogamy, why would you stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't? What type of life are you truly living when you become "adjusted" or numb to things that are not in alignment with who you are or the life you want to live?
From the perspective of yourself, it's a way for others to shut you up while they are free to act in any manner; it's such a condescending form of manipulation. No one should ever want to be tolerated and you shouldn't be the type of person people have to put up with! 
From the perspective of others, it allows us to hold hate and resentment in your hearts while mustering a fake, half smile. Though the effects may not be experienced as strong over time, one day, that penned up negativity could erupt and then everyone will be so shocked! No relationship can flourish under the umbrella of tolerance...it usually leads to resentment and indifference, which is actually worse than hate! Not sure what I mean, you know the feeling you get when that drunk uncle in your family shows up??? Yup...that's it! Tolerance at it's finest...you don't even like him.

Here's the pivot we should make to be better to ourselves and others: 1. Respect (not accept) differences. Respect means to "feel or understand that someone and something is important, serious, etc,. and should be treated in an appropriate way". Respect the choices made by others and respect yourself enough to create the necessary boundaries. 2. Love Thy Neighbor! Love the drunk Uncle enough to get him the help he needs...seriously take time to care about him. If he doesn't want your help, respect yourself enough to draw the boundary lines but don't resent him, it's his life. See how differently that works out? 
Respect and Love are the keys to a better self and better relationships...believe me when I tell ya! We'll talk more about it in the weeks to come... 

Truth Is Your Biggest Weakness

I'm not politically correct and I can't apologize about the truth, it wouldn't be authentic. There's nothing but love behind my words although I've hurt peoples' feelings on more than one occasion. 

Now that we've gotten that out of the way let me tell you a little story: I was at an event and the closest seat to me was in the middle of the row. I politely excused myself as I made my way in; ladies moved their legs and men stood up to allow me to pass. I sat next to a little girl, maybe 7 years old. She looked at me a couple times as if she was trying to remember where we met before...she was cute. After the event, we were all socializing and I was trying to make my way through the crowd and there I was passing by this little girl and her mother (again). Finally as we were leaving, I was right next to them and the the little girl poked me on the butt (it must have mystified her) and said, "Your butt is big".
Her mother, who was a size zero, nearly fainted and apologized profusely! Everyone within 3 feet of us heard the exchange and I bent down to pick my face up from off the floor! While I was down there, I heard the mother scolding the little girl, harshly! 
I went over and told the mom to stop, her daughter did nothing wrong. She made an observation, she even got a closer look and after careful calculations, she stated her discovery. I bent down and got eye level with the little girl and told her she did nothing wrong...my butt is big! I told her to always tell the truth and to always say what's on her heart...it was such a Lifetime moment!
So here's the thing. I could have been glad the mother taught her child (who was actually a little chubby) a lesson on respecting elders and being seen instead of heard. Or I could have drowned in embarrassment and patch up my bruised ego over chocolate chip cookies. I'm so glad I chose differently...and you can too!
If you're hiding from the truth then the reality is you're living a lie (IJS)! The truth really does set you free...free to discover, grow and heal. No it doesn't always feel good but when you deal with it, there's rainbows and pixie dust on the other side! Trust me...that little girl taught me the best lesson (not that one, my butt's still big)... always tell the truth and say what's on my heart; the truth may hurt but it's revelation is soo necessary!

Who are you????

I caught up with an old friend the other day and I gave her the URL to my blog (TreshaKnowsBest). She looked at it and said "I'm surprised it's not called I'm Just Sayin'!" I laughed...she knows me so well.
One of the things I pride myself on is being consistent with my values, morals & silly ways. People can depend on me for a few things: logical explanations & witty humor for sure! No matter the situation, no matter my personal mood or the crisis at hand...you're gonna learn something or laugh, maybe even both!

Can the same be said about you? 

Are you consistent in some basic themes in your life or are you all over the place? Do you act one way with family, then friends, then co-workers? Do you cuss and carry on with your homegirls and then sing hymns on the Sabbath? Do you find yourself running in the direction of what's "trending" or acting a certain way to fit into the category at hand? 

If that sounds familiar, I'm hear to tell you that's probably the reason you're mentally fatigued and drained. It takes a lot of energy and emotions to be more than one person. 
Believe it or not, I know how you feel; being from another country I once felt I'd die if I didn't assimilate! However, what I've found is the beat of my own drum is so much easier to dance to! You can't be everything to everyone anyway so why not figure out who you really want to be and be that! What values to you hold true? What morals are really important to your heart; they may not be popular but they're worth standing on? What personality traits do you want to be known for...violent outbursts, timid interactions or vibrant energy...it's ALL up to you!

I give you permission today to take yourself back under control! Decide who you want to be and stop giving others/pop-culture power to pull your strings and dictate the dance you dance! I challenge you to determine today to be the person you were created and shaped to be; if for no other reason than to have an awesome eulogy (hey...we'll all get one,make it great)!

We've all heard the saying "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything". Well, if you don't know who you are, people will turn you into someone you don't like, are ashamed of, or who is an emotional wreck! Dr. Phil said it best:

Take a Selfie

Put away your smartphone...we're changing it up!

Selfie: the act, thought or idea of making oneself the priority for a season; being responsible for oneself and own betterment!

Say this out loud: "it's all about me". 

Yes it is! (At least for the next few days or so). 

I give you permission to take a selfie in order to prepare for how much of yourself you will cheerfully give the rest of the year. 

I know...nothing cheery comes to mind when you hear the word "selfish"...it goes against everything you were ever taught but trust me (you know I know) it's needed. There's no way we can be all the things we can be if we haven't taken the time to be with the main character of our story. The more selfies we take right now will help us figure out what's needed on the road to becoming better and make us more equipped to share ourselves with the rest of the world! If you don't make yourself the center of attention for awhile, you'll find yourself blaming the universe (and everyone within 3ft.) for why you couldn't or didn't. 

I have such an "have it all" mentality that I truly believe you can take a selfie to get clear about your direction without being self-centered or self-absorbed; there's a difference! Remember...taking time for you in no way takes away from your other roles, it simply allows you the opportunity to create the life you want to live! 

You're Already Good...

The saying is "New Year New You", it's the slogan used in every form of media right now! From fitness centers to the dentist office, everyone is telling us to get "new". 
Does that mean something's wrong with us now? It sends a message that where we are right now makes us not good enough and since it's a new year, we might as well get ourselves together.

Well, I want you to know that no matter how much 2013 sucked, the fact that you're here (alive & breathing) means you're OK! Yeah, I know...you still didn't lose the weight, you're still hung up on that bad habit and you probably didn't finish any of the projects you started. 

I hear you but trust me (because I know best), 

a new you is not the answer!

This year, let's shift our focus from being "new" to becoming "better". Becoming is a process...it's on-going! Where there's life, there's hope and today you can be better than yesterday...you can choose that everyday, not only on January 1st. There's nothing wrong with you as a whole and most of what you need to become better is already in you (I bet you didn't even realize).
That's the theme of this blog o'mine...helping us to be better at who we are. Better in life...relationships (all of them)...and self. 

I have so much personal experience in becoming better, as a wife...mother...friend...sister...daughter and Tresha! I have a lot of professional experience as a Counselor helping people get better but don't fear...I only diagnose my own crazy. 
I'm excited about becoming better and if you'd like to join me...I'll be right here when you get back!