It's Not Cute!

We all know this chic. Some of us have been this chic. I'm soo surprised to know this chic still exists! This practice should have died out a decade ago; there have been movies made, Lauren Hill sang about it, and we've seen it play out in our real life dramas. The thing is, we've all evolved and matured; self-help book sales have quadrupled and people should just know better by now. Those of us who know better need to teach the next generation of young women so this madness ends.

Here's the scene:

You're at a get together. You see some familiar faces and chit chat. There's a new couple there that you don't know and you join the conversation to learn more about them. You introduce yourself and your husband and she introduces herself and her husband (stop right there)! 

*** we interrupt this story to explain the 2 types of Husbands ***

See, I introduced my (man who put a ring on it, stood before the official, paid the fee, got the red seal on the papers, said "I do", now pronounced man & wife) husband! 

While she introduced me to her (man who sleeps in her bed, getting free milk w/o even renting the cow, don't respect you enough to commit, you bought your own ring, really the baby daddy) husband! 

*** back to the story ***

So you and your new friend start a private conversation and you're asking about what she does, how old are the kids, etc. and she chatters away. At some point the confession always comes out, "we're not really married but we've been together 5 years".  o_O

News Flash...he is not your husband and you have not earned the right to say so! It's so interesting how many people say they don't need the "piece of paper" to define their relationship yet they're out here claiming it and probably dying on the inside wishing they had it.

Just so you know...that piece of paper is required to use the title! Without it, you are a single woman living in fornication: consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other (Merriam-webster.com). And I'm not even going to get into the religious side of this one...wanting God to bless your hot mess o_O

Now here's the deal; those of us who are married understand that we earned the paper, we have been to hell and back without burning the paper and we do what it takes to keep the paper! Your spreading of the legs does not grant you the rights to claim our title, please cease and desist immediately. Stop minimizing the sanctity of my Union! AND...If your man is going around introducing you as his wife, it's not sweet or cute. If he has not engaged you, he's just filling your head with empty promises so he can continue to do what he wants while you stay with him in foolish comfort. A man who genuinely loves you and wants you in his life knows the next step! Even if he can't give you the world, he'll at least give you a ring to keep you by his side.

You know I say this from my heart because I've been in a similar predicament: I recall a time in my younger days when I lived with the father of my children and we were playing house. We had picked out a ring years before that I never wore and we were committed to our family but it really dawned on me one day that I was playing a role I hadn't earned. I didn't pretend to be his wife and I knew he wasn't my husband but from living together we sort of fell into certain roles. With those roles came certain expectations on my part but I had to know my place and hold back because deep down I knew I just couldn't go there (though I may have tried a time or two...lol). I knew he loved me but he wasn't respecting me, I wasn't respecting me and the values that were important; at the end of the day I was a single mother (ring and all). Shortly after I expressed my feelings to +Bobby Barrett , he showed his respect for me and we were married. No pomp and circumstance; just made it official, legal and binding. I stopped calling him by his name for awhile and simply referred to him as my husband!

That what it takes ladies...communication! Don't settle for whatever he gives you because you're afraid to be alone. Communicate what you want because if he truly loves you, he'll respect you and follow through. And please know this...nothing you do will make a man commit to you! No matter if you cook like Paula Dean, look like Halle Berry or (as +Steve Harvey puts it) can make your cookie do monkey tricks; until a man is emotionally attached to you and is ready to commit, you'll be wasting husband benefits on a boy-friend! 

I recently watched the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" where the character Beth settled on Neil for 7 years wishing, hoping and arguing to get her piece of paper. He told her he didn't believe in marriage...check it out (profanity alert):

You may be thinking this topic soo does not flow into Valentine's Day but that's where you're wrong! This is the perfect season to LOVE YOURSELF enough to call it what it is, recommit to your standards and let go of the fantasy so you can create a better reality! He's not your husband because he doesn't want to be...stop pretending! Maybe if you had more respect for the piece of paper (and all it stands for), he'd have more respect for you and put a ring on it! (IJS)

Are You Ready To Die???

It's not quite what you think...put away your insurance policy. 

I recently saw the amazing Broadway Musical, "I Have A Dream" about the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It was emotional and inspiring...a whole new perspective on the man behind the dream.
There was a quote from the production that stuck with me, 
"a man who won't die for something is not fit to live". WOW...it instantly had me taking a mental assessment on what I'm willing to die for! My Faith...my Family...my Beliefs...our Freedom...our Justice!
I shared the thought with my daughter +Cassandra Barrett who reminded me of the BEST commercial of 2013 featuring heroic women! Check it out here:

The one who stood out the most to me is the youngest one featured...Malala Yousafzai! At 12 years old she was writing a blog on her views promoting education for girls and the rule 

of the Taliban in her region. When she was 15 years old, she

was shot in the head on her school bus as an assassination attempt. 9 months later, she spoke at the United Nations to call for worldwide access to education; especially for girls! Can you say "WOW"...what conviction.

Here's a young girl ready to die, not only for her own beliefs but also for the rights of those who would come after her. She didn't spend her time whining about the injustice...she spoke up and did something! She followed in her father's footsteps of protesting against the Taliban, even after many backed down because it became dangerous! 

So many times in my life I've witnessed people who were too timid or afraid to stand up for their own personal well being. They gripe about how someone else intimidated or pressured them when basically they just lacked courage to stand up. I know I mentioned something along these lines before but it bears repeating with more bass in my voice (or in my words)! What are you willing to die for??? (comment below) 

What do you believe in so strongly you would risk your safety? 

Men have gut instincts and women have intuition...will you vow to listen? Will you promise to advocate for our children instead of reluctantly going along with the doctor, teacher or psychiatrist? Will you be willing to die to selfishness, pride, fear, hopelessness, weakness and indifference to make your world (immediate surroundings) better? 

In a culture that relies so heavily on "the experts", it's ok to also listen to the loudest voice in your head...your OWN!

Are you ready?

"I AM MALALA"